7th regiment
They say you only really get to know yourself when you’re very drunk. I have a different theory, if you want to hear it.
You know those people who smoke a lot of weed and turn INTO weed? Their personality revolves around it. Well, for me it’s the same with alcohol but to a lesser extent and changing a few things.
The first times you go out and get drunk, which usually happens at a young age, you discover things about yourself that you didn’t know. You might be funny, maybe you talk to more people, dance without feeling awkward, etc. A lot of things appear that you’re capable of doing only in that uninhibited state. In my case, this amplifies a thousandfold because I was always very shy, to the point that I’m embarrassed to dance while looking at myself in the mirror when I’m alone.
Little by little, you start forming a second personality around alcohol. A version of you that dares to do all those things you don’t. Talks to people of the opposite sex, knows how to flirt, isn’t afraid of being stared at, etc., etc., the same as before. But as this person grows, let’s call them You_2, your level of dependence grows too. This creates a bit of resentment with your “default” version that isn’t used to doing all that.
On the graduation trip to Bariloche, I got sick and had to take antibiotics. I could only drink on the first night. “What bad luck,” some might think. And yes, because I ended up in bed for a whole month due to stopping the antibiotics. Not being able to drink alcohol in Bariloche was the best thing that happened to me that year. I was practically forced to go out, and now, sober.
I discovered that this second variable I had at night was still there but passively. If I forced myself to act “socially,” I could do it. Of course, at first, it was uncomfortable, and I had to go to the bathroom every five minutes to calm down, but over the months, I got used to it.
“Dude, Manuel, you’re such a buzzkill. Alcohol is the best, long live wine, you coward,” the reader might think. Alcohol is a very fun way to relax because it stimulates the brain, and I won’t deny that those nights when everything flows and you just let yourself go are amazing.(2024’s Manuel no longer thinks like that «) But when you use it as an excuse because you’re too afraid to be yourself, that’s not good. No one should have to resort to external stimuli to express themselves. And yes, I always bring up the same topic, but it’s something I suffered a lot, and I don’t want it to happen to anyone else.
It’s funny that we all think the other person is judging us when the other person is also thinking about how others see them. I hope that makes sense.
And what do I do with this? I don’t know. I write dialogues with myself. Things I think. Sit down and chat with yourself for a bit, but don’t fight.